#13: The elephant in the room
surviving another mother's day when you have infertility
Hi sweet friends, we want to address the elephant in the room. This weekend is going to be a hard one for so many of us.
Mother’s Day arrives every May like clockwork, wrapped in pastel bouquets and Instagram tributes, in brunch specials and well-meaning texts from friends. It’s a tender holiday for many, but for those of us navigating infertility, it can feel like a quiet ache no one else seems to notice. The world celebrates with open arms while we sit on the sidelines, wondering when—if—our turn will come. We smile for the mothers in our lives while grieving the motherhood we’ve dreamed of, longed for, and fought for in ways most will never understand.
This day has a way of amplifying absence. It makes visible what’s still missing. And it can feel especially disorienting when your body has been through loss, needles, hope, and heartbreak—when you’ve held the dream of a child so close it feels like a part of you. There is no roadmap for this kind of in-between: not a mother, but not untouched by the idea of motherhood either. It’s complicated. It's exhausting. It’s valid.
So if this weekend feels like too much—if you want to log off, take a walk, cry in the car, or just pretend it’s a regular Sunday—you’re not alone. This space is for you, for us. For the ones holding both hope and heartbreak, for the ones rewriting what it means to nurture and be enough, and also for the ones who are on the other side of infertility and IVF, but still feel the grief associated with this holiday. We see you. And we send you soooo much love.
xo,
Amy & Kayti
In this week’s episode, we get deeply personal. Amy shares her EMMA/ALICE test results—and what they revealed about chronic uterine infections that may have been silently impacting her body since her miscarriage two and a half years ago. We talk about the emotional whiplash of paying $1,200 out of pocket for a test insurance won’t cover, the frustrating standard of care for Asherman’s syndrome, and how this newly uncovered information might change her IVF path going forward.
We also dive into the role of AI in fertility research, how Deep Research from ChatGPT helped Amy validate her medical concerns, and the exhaustion of self-advocacy when your uterus becomes a case study. Oh, and then we cry about Kayti’s baby shower and how friendships shift and change throughout IVF and infertility. It’s a “part one” episode for a reason. :p
Apple:
Spotify:
During my first meeting with the fertility clinic after one year of trying to get pregnant, the ultrasound tech started laughing in the middle of my ultrasound. She had some exciting news to share - I was pregnant! This pregnancy would continue for 22 weeks and 1 day before it ended in loss. To date, that was the most excruciating, heart altering experience of my life.
Currently, I’m learning that I’m navigating secondary infertility. And a lot of the time, honestly, it’s hard to hope. It’s hard to remain positive when you feel like you’re doing everything right but you still can’t achieve your way out of infertility. This getting pregnant/staying pregnant/hoping for a healthy pregnancy has taken up my brain space for 72 months (and counting). I’ll admit I feel very envious of people who don’t have even one month of this hoping. It’s not the envy of others getting pregnant with ease that is hard, it’s that those people will never understand the agony and grief associated with the negative pregnancy tests month after month after month after month. I’ll end with this - take it if it helps: Last November I had emergent brain surgery. That entire experience required a long recovery, lots of patience, was excruciatingly painful at times, and demanded tons of rest. But to me, navigating infertility has been harder than brain surgery. So give yourself grace for navigating through it and continuing to hope. - Rosie Nestigen
If you’ve also given up wine (sigh), this fun website has some of the best NA drink options we’ve found. The Zero Proof has us feeling slightly less bitter about skipping our nightly pour—they’ve got everything from crisp whites to juicy reds to bubbles that almost make us forget we’re stone-cold sober. We’re talking actual flavor, not sad juice box energy.
Wait, why are these bird feeders so cool? Adds to cart.
This is a hard but meaningful watch, timed to one of the most difficult holidays for our community (tw for stillbirth).
A fun cookbook we’re relying on for summer meals.
Okay, Joe Jonas. We hear you and can’t wait for this full album drop!
Friday vibes:
